Groan…

We did an echocardiogram and, immediately, my cardiologists ordered me back for a nuclear medicine stress test early tomorrow morning. Great way to celebrate 90 days, no?
Actually the echo was our first set of imagery since I stopped the smokin’ and drinkin’, so I’m not surprised they’ve spotted a problem or a trend. I was well past my shelf-life when I started drinking – and I drank a helluva lot. It’s a miracle I’m still breathing and able to run around in the hills.
I owe my friend Amelia a huge debt of gratitude as it was obvious I was going to drink myself to death when we lived together and she took action, albeit the beginning of so much sadness in my life; I’m pretty sure I would already be toast. I wanted so badly to see her in Taos last week but I know it would have been extremely stressful for her so I didn’t even try.
I understand clearly that I am now living on borrowed time, that prayer and meditation are my most indispensible activities of the day, and that SOMETHING has my doctors concerned enough to order a very expensive and dangerous test. Short of getting catheters into my heart to measure internal pressures, this is the most accurate test we can do. Last time we did it they accidently triggered a failure event and rushed me back to CICU; but I agree that we need to get good metrics as we proceed with my sober life.
Since all the smoking and drinking is behind me, I’ve been working again on diet. My ldl cholesterol has increased a few points but I’m allergic to statin drugs, so diet is my only option. It’s been a good/effective option for me in the past, but I’ve gotta really be mindful when I cook/eat.
Deb’s been helping me clean out the fridge, freezer and pantry (thank God); and she’s helping me move toward a real vegan diet.
Don’t like it. Not at all.
As long as I can help my sponsees, paint and play piano, I’m a grateful and active participant in this life God has willed. Losing a lot of stamina, though, and still very haunted by thoughts of my time with Mia.