Art and the Internal Wah

I have noticed/learned, over the last ten months, there really is a two-way connection between my internal basic nature and the physical act of painting/creating.

I am a sensitive, emotional and vulnerable soul.  But the more I reveal those traits to (most of) the people around me, the more those traits can be exploited by others.  I have noticed, though, times when those traits were so very strong I had no choice but to paint & create.

So here’s the odd correlation!

I was not particularly sensitive or out of sorts last Spring.  Yet, almost out of nowhere, I suddenly resumed painting in March.  By the end of June I’d painted the best canvas I’ve ever done.

I became more and more emotional, though, and more and more sensitive/vulnerable as I swam down to the more intimate levels of my creativity.

Attaining that depth of spirit, that level of intimacy & vulnerability, was a first for me – and by late July I’d completed two of the best paintings I’ve ever made.

But the cost of becoming that sensitive and vulnerable, within the context of my everyday life with my partner, nearly ruined me.  I simply became too emotional, too (hyper)sensitive, and too vulnerable.

I know I must force myself to paint again, and to accept less than perfect so long as I am painting; but I doubt I will ever again be able to expose that internal/emotional “artist in me” vulnerability to another person.

I want to get back to that place where I feel safe, vulnerable, wanted and un-judged; because I am stunned by the art I make in such an environment.  THAT depth of vulnerability and freedom, when I just let the paint show me, brings something new into the world.  It’s something that is, occasionally, truly beautiful and unique.

But now I’m stuck.  I may never ever get back to that place where I was in Arroyo Hondo NM, with Mia and her dogs, in late June when life was better than it’s ever been.  Those mornings camping on the Rio Costilla with such a gorgeous partner will never be again.  It will be amazing if I can open another tube of paint…

God – let Mia have all the happiness, health and prosperity I would ever want for myself.  Given a choice between Mia and myself, please always choose Mia before me.  May thy will be done always, Amen.



Facebook the Destroyer

I deleted my Facebook account a few months ago because it was simply too intrusive and it felt more and more “synthetic” – like I was only communicating via Facebook with people who shared my own viewpoints.  Not too far off from “keeping my own counsel”.

I learned a month later, in a study that CNN published, that for every interpersonal relationship wrecked by online pornography there are ten relationships destroyed by Facebook.

I have long suspected a dark side to social media – and I’ve long suspected we’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg when it comes to assessing all the downsides of social media.

I may reestablish a Facebook account at some point in the future.  For now, though, I have experienced first-hand the role of Facebook in destroying a potentially salvageable relationship.

Not that I think porn is really any healthier; but I think it’s best to stay away from all of it!


And in the weather….

The much-needed snow has not come, so ski’ing hasn’t brought deep-pocketed visitors to the Taos slopes.

More importantly the early Spring and lack of Winter snow in the Sangre de Cristo means our Rio Bravo runs a bit above average now – but will diminish rapidly as predicted wet-storm activity decreases.

While La Niña has caused dramatic weather on both the East and West coasts, and strangely warm days across the middle of the continent, the ocean current is now moving away from the Americas – without any of the slow (but typical) transitions we see to an El Niño cycle in the Eastern Pacific.

Looking at current jet-stream activity, and the large/fast change in ocean-water temperatures attributable to loss of the La Niña current, it appears the Southwestern mountain states (AZ, NV, UT, CO, NM, TX) will return to severe drought status by the end of Summer 2017.  Wildfire risk in forested areas will become a significant tourism consideration in the ensuing Spring skiing and Summer outdoor recreation periods.


Ok. Alright.

You ever wish people would just, “sit down and shut up?”

The whole point of meditation is to BE the “sit down and shut up” our world so desperately needs.

Meditation, like all the great gifts of a spiritual life, is not about me.  It is all about surrender and loss of self, no?